If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
