Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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