Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
