I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
