Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Let's get the cat blown out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
