Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
