I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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