woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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