Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
