i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
