I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
