3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
