this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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