I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
