I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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