he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
