we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
