I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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