I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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