I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
