Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
