We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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