3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
