Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
