my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
