I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
