how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Holy sore nipples Batman
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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