One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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