K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
