my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Shame - the story of my life.
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