There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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