Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
