Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
