did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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