you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
