I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
