We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
