Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
