There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
