so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
