Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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