The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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