seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
