grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
