I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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