for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
