Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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