so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
