before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
