at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
