Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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