Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
