you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
