just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
