how can u be prego again
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
