hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
