Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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