I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
