he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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